For me, the answer is always the same …… it is ME. That is the easy part. The hard part is seeing the truth about what or who I am refusing to let go of and once I do that, my life always explodes into good for me. (and “them”) Here is how it unfolds for me.
1. it is never about “them” but truth is, I always begin there -blaming. It is not truth but it actually helps me see my part which propels me away from “them” and into what I am doing or not doing.
2. Next (and this is the part where the people, places, and events I am trying to blame help me) I look at what or who I am hanging on to – can’t let go. I HAVE to ask myself at this point WHAT DO I KEEPING DOING over and over with the EXPECTATION IT WILL BE DIFFERENT this time. What? Who? AM I DOING THE SAME THING EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS?
3. IF I am doing the best I can in most areas of my life – and if fact, moving forward” but still can’t figure out who I am, what I want do with my life, etc., etc., then I know I am hanging on to someone or something. In a way, it is like – okay God, I am giving you 90% of my life, but this 10% I will take care of. Nope – that 10% negates the 90%.
4. It is all to God, or it is nothing. Half measures do not avail us 50%, they avail us nothing.
5. It is that one thing that I refuse to let go of that IS the block. For me, it is usually a person but has also been some employment situations. People say to me, “Carol, you need to quit that job, or get out of that relationship!” but I do not listen – over and over – until I can’t anymore and finally follow the direction that makes no sense. I always think I know better, or I hear myself saying “but you don’t understand.” “I can’t let them go because it will hurt them too much, or I love them too much, or (for a job) I need the money. My rebuttals always have to do with my ego – my sick ego. The healthy ego would let go. The people I do not want to let go of have their own journey and their own God. So, when I hang on, who am I really doing it for? What happens to them when I let go is between them and their Higher Power. We all choose.
6. Realizing that if I do not do what is good for me, then I really have nothing to give you.
7. The bottom line for me is to clean my inner house, trust God, and move forward.
8. Often, I take multiple classes, pay a fortune in therapy, for many years before I finally let go. But sometimes, they let go of me. I get fired from a job, or thrown away by a friend, or “they” die from whatever. It is not easy to let go of what is blocking me.
The greatest gift to myself is to finally see what I am doing over and over and over – the same way, but expecting different results and to accept that action is totally about me. I finally see that I am “sacrificing my good to help them because they can’t do it on their own/“ Really??? I am actually robbing you of the dignity of your own journey and telling you that I and my God know better for you.
As long as I am holding on to you as if I own you (in the name of helping) we both die.
But, when I completely let go and cut off all communication, we both grow.