For many years I claimed to be looking for my purpose in life – a purpose to live. In actuality, I may have known it all along but was afraid to say it even to myself, because I knew it would not measure up to a definition I had in my subconscious mind. That part of us that drives us without our permission. It is that part of us that took notes long before we could talk. We took notes about what our families said about us, what they and society said about success and purpose.
Often what we are really looking for (and calling it ”our purpose”) is a way to “prove” we are okay – to show our families and/or society that we have a reason to be on the planet, after all. Or, perhaps we are looking for a way to fulfill the destiny someone else has designed for us (even if we do not know it). The design for us that others have created is another item hidden in our subconscious (in a rusty old trunk in the “attic” of our minds.) My mother clearly drilled into my head what work, or careers, were acceptable and which I accepted without question.
I knew what brought great joy to my heart but it did not match what I believed was in alignment with a “proper” purpose. That dilemma keep me wandering and wondering for many years.
I learned my purpose long before I learned how to fulfill it. I learned around age 33 that my purpose was to serve God and mankind. However, for many, many years after that did not know how but I desperately tried and was desperately miserable.
I also knew what brought joy to my heart but that was my secret – certainly not a way to serve. Keeping it secret made me an angry person. Trying to live the purpose others designed for me, made me and angry person. Today, I cannot live the life of another.
Today, I am following my passion.
Today, I do what brings joy to my heart.
Today, I know it is mine to share God’s Gifts to me with others.